Jesus went up the mountain and called to him those whom he wanted, and they came to him. And he appointed twelve, whom he also named apostles, to be with him, and to be sent out to proclaim the message, and to have authority to cast out demons. So he appointed the twelve: Simon (to whom he gave the name Peter); James son of Zebedee and John the brother of James (to whom he gave the name Boanerges, that is, Sons of Thunder); and Andrew, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus, and Simon the Cananaean, and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him.
Mark 3:13-19
"Jesus called...those he wanted" by name, twelve of them. Some would rage, rejoice and make rash promises; some were known as sons of thunder, another a rock; still yet there were sceptics, critics, doubters, failures, fans, promoters, evangelists, healers, radicals, contemplatives. I'm sure at least one would have been "the quiet type," others were just steady workers.
I guess we might see ourselves in all of them - we could be any one of them on any day, or even all of them on one day. It seems the many voices and energies that animate the human condition were present - and called - and blessed - and empowered - to be a community of disciples, a movement, a new family of hope for the least, the lost and the forgotten of the day.
But what about that last one, Judas, "who betrayed him" - how did he make the cut??? Did not Jesus have a sense, an intuition, if not a divine premonition, that Judas was at heart, a bad apple? That he would be the Achilles heel of the entire operation, a vulnerable asset who would turn into a traitor? Was he REALLY also one of the ones that Jesus WANTED and called by name into his inner circle?
And so I ask myself, in my honest moment, what about the dark corners of my heart? What about the places where we ourselves hide, which are often the same places where we hide our demons, the closets where we lockup our skeletons, and the dingy laundries where we stuff our dirty stuff.
In my heart of darkness, therein lies the Judas heart, the self that would betray all that is good and life-giving and sacrifice the salvation of the world on the altar of ego, pride and self.
But Jesus also calls my Judas heart, and yours, by name, with blessing, and love, and kindness - to give it all that it really needs, rather than what it thinks it really wants. Jesus calls our Judas hearts, to bring us back into the light, to bring us back to our true home, to our family of brothers and sisters, and our eternally loving father - to the one relationship where all is forgiven, and all can be set free.
